Cambridge South Mens 1
1 - 4
St Ives Mens 1

A Game of One Half

St Ives, the mighty Saints, some town near middle-England, so I hear. A 'friendly' game started off well as both sides fought for possession in the middle of the pitch with few chances generated. South went ahead first through some slick play down the left wing, resulting in a strong pass across goal for Oil to tap in at the back post. The Saints got one back just before the break from a decent drag flick on the third time of asking; Mariano showing some skills on the line to deflect the two previous penalty corners.

After that, I'm not quite sure what happened as I had to head off at the break.

From what I hear:

  • Colin isn't as skillful as Mariano at stopping balls on the line…kneeing it off the pitch isn't the normal approach.

  • Harry Chalk 'ran into' an opposition player (cue their protests) whilst standing still.

  • Mike had a storming game and didn't shout at himself once (a well deserved MoM).

  • Max's 1st team debut didn't go quite so well, having not turned up.

  • The definition of 'friendly' was broadly re-interpreted by some feisty tackles.

  • Bhav is just generally angry (LoM), and…

  • Match teas were only ¾ as good as usual.

All in all, a good (half) game and the focus now moves to next week's crucial game versus West Herts.

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Cambridge South Mens 3
3 - 5
Hertford Mens 3

Seeing as no-one else is going to...

An Umpires eye view, written some weeks after the event. Any errors or omission are... because the match was ages ago!


First half - not great. Structure and effort not up to the required levels, leading to Hertford powering into a 4-0 interval lead.

Second half - much better. Nev's (second) teamtalk appeared to have worked wonders! Rob pulled one back with a trademark reverse stick shot. Toby got the second when a half-cleared ball dropped to him with space and time at the top of the circle; cue a fizzing drag-flick. The third was the best of the bunch, a sharp passing moving ending with Oli's cross turned home by Will on the full-length dive - a proper Hockey goal that.

There was even a clear chance for an equaliser, but a sweep into an open goal was missed and the ball hit a South foot instead. Hertford made the most of this let-off and sealed the win with around 10 minutes to play when a crash ball into the circle was deflected in.

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Cambridge South Mens 4
4 - 2
Hertford Mens 4

Hertford (in Hertfordshire)

The team email was sent out and it said that I (George) was going to be playing outfield: not only outfield, but as centre forward…

   George Toynton (CF)   

So, I was buzzing for this game. Unfortunately, it was a lie! I had to sit in the goal again, miles away from the game. With the bright sunlight in my eyes this meant that I missed most of the important moments in the game. So, I can’t tell you guys too much about it.

What I do know though is that Jimmy had an absolutely terrible game, only getting two goals and setting up the others with some blinding pace from the left side; he completely destroyed the opposition. Did no one tell him that this was a friendly? After all, we were trying to be nice to Hertford, which for some people is news that it is in Hertfordshire.

Jimmy scored the first two goals with his now-infamous shot which is to be feared. And someone else scored the third goal: this was when the sun was in my eyes so I can’t tell you about this. The last goal was set up by Jimmy with a simple pass to Oli at the back post to tap in. [Ed - Oli's goal made it two-two. The last was Jimmy with a simple pass for Nev on the p-spot to slap in]

Now, seeing as it was a friendly it would only be right to give the other team some goals. But really the other team stole these, with textbook passing out to the wing then bringing the ball back into the D, then a pass around some more, lastly a devious pass to the back post: this was a great team goal. The other ‘act’ of kindness was to give away a short corner, I think for a back stick? Again, Hertford took this well with a really well drilled short corner routine, seeing the ball land in the back of the net.

Seeing as this was a friendly it was only right that we shared the ball with them, something South did really well numerous times, with pinpoint accuracy to pass the ball to a Hertford stick. But overall the day was really enjoyable, a game that I would not want to miss, unlike our team captains, John Greaves and Rob Barton, as well as the countless others who were too busy spying on Cambridge Nomads. You see, today was the day we could have won the league, we just needed Nomads to lose. Only time will tell. [Ed - it'll need to wait until next week…]

  

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Cambridge South Mens 5
3 - 0
Hertford Mens 6

Ali E In Da House!

Yous might rememba me from an interphew I did wiv Victoria an' me bruva Dave Peckhem fe Comic Relief da while bak [possible content warning]. Afta me Cambridge educashun, hit looks dig I iz da one gettin' interviewed now…

Da week started wiv 7, the rest Nays!
An' so hit remained fe da remainda hof da days.
We'd had better hurry; there was no time to waste!
Luckily, Rob Barton was on it with haste;
We needed help, like quick, on the double.
Have pity on South city, man it was in trouble!
On the half shell, we found our heroes: Four
In this day and age who could ask for more?

Togetha wiv uva skippers to ensure we could collectively make tings wurk. As hit iz gona happun, our m2s didn't as a game, meanin dat me bruva Ali E, an' Assassin's Steed's son Tom wuz kindly available to voluntea, as well as Ian 'Doc' Marshman, an' Rob '300 goals' Barton himself, as we dubbed dis week's massiv "Team Bartonez" as a nod to iz efforts durin da week. We now had a solid elevun, an' evun a sub!

We started hout strong an' ball remained definitively in our possession an' in da opposition's half fe da majority hof da game. Assassin's Steed Jr. fe real, weaved in, hout, an' around da opposishun defence like dey wuz crepe papa. Everyone includin our uva forward Mr Bartonez, graciously tried to pass da ball to him hat every opportunity fe him to wurk iz magic, as we all grew to feel dat dis ought to be da goal fe everyone on da field. Da lad's blaze wuz so bright afta 2 snoop goals, dat, true to iz name, e evun tried to assassinate iz own old geeza wiv da drag flik to da face. He points hout dat da ball wuz deflected by da keepa, but we all nah an assassin iz gona hof course try to 'deflect' iz true intentions!

Some memories from Mr Bartonez:

  1. Howard should be geeza hof da match, e played well. Ironically, iz would-be assassin won da vote as da consolashun prize.

  2. Tom Steed wuz well noble to acknowledge iz hat-trik goal wuz dangerous.

  3. Let's hope Nick's hamstrin injury recovers soon, an' properly dis bells.

  4. James "Pipes" Pipa an' Andi Caddy looked well solid hat da bak, togetha wiv me bruva Ali E. Goal scoring old bwoy Doc, an' young geeza Oli too made a yorkie midfield tag-team.

  5. Da massiv kept shape incredibly well.

  6. Rob would ave liked to ave eard louda / more callin.

  7. Related, peeps got into yorkie positions but didn't necessarily receive da ball.

  8. Da opposishun defended ratha stubbornly an' got bak in numbers.

  9. An orange ball wuz ard to chek!

  10. Da massiv looked dig dey wuz enjoyin themselves.

Some sweet teas wuz had while watchin da winta olympics - apologies from da chef as apparently our uva teams nicked all da meat! E therefore kindly complemented da meal wiv club an' penguin chocolates biskits; yum!


=============

Da translashun, fanks to da couple hof geezers names Merriam an' Webster:

=============

Da week started wiv 7, the rest Nays!
An' so hit remained fe da remainda hof da days.
We'd had better hurry; there was no time to waste!
Luckily, Rob Barton was on it with haste;
We needed help, like quick, on the double.
Have pity on South city, man it was in trouble!
On the half shell, we found our heroes: Four
In this day and age who could ask for more?

Together with other skippers to ensure we could collectively make things work. As it would happen, our M2s didn't have a game, meaning that my brother, Ali E, and Assassin's Steed's son, Tom, were kindly available to volunteer, as well as Ian 'Doc' Marshman, and Rob '300 goals' Barton himself, as we dubbed this week's team "Team Bartonez" as a nod to his efforts during the week. We now had a solid eleven and even a sub!

We started out strong and the ball remained definitively in our possession and in the opposition's half for the majority of the game. Assassin's Steed Jr, especially, weaved in, out and around the opposition defence like they were crepe paper. Everyone, including our other centre forward Mr Bartonez, graciously tried to pass the ball to him at every opportunity for him to work his magic, as we all grew to understand that this ought to be the goal for everyone on the field. The lad's blaze was so bright after two brilliant goals, that, true to his name, he even tried to assassinate his own dad with a drag flick to the face. He points out that the ball was deflected by the keeper, but we all know an assassin would of course try to 'deflect' his true intentions!

Some memories from Mr Bartonez:

  1. Howard should be Man of the Match, he played well. Ironically, his would-be assassin won the vote as a consolation prize.

  2. Tom was very noble to acknowledge his hat-trick goal was dangerous.

  3. Let's hope Nick's hamstring injury recovers soon, and properly this time.

  4. James Piper and Andi Caddy looked very solid at the back, together with Ali E. Goal scoring old boy Doc, and young man Oli too, made a great midfield tag team.

  5. The team kept its shape incredibly well.

  6. Rob would have liked to have heard louder/more calling.

  7. Related: people got into great positions but didn't necessarily receive the ball.

  8. The opposition defended rather stubbornly and got back in numbers.

  9. An orange ball was hard to see!

  10. The team looked like they were enjoying themselves.

Some nice teas were had while watching the Winter Olympics - apologies from the chef as apparently our other teams nicked all the meat! He therefore kindly complemented the meal with Club and Penguin chocolate biscuits; yum!

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Cambridge South Ladies 2
10 - 0
Wisbech Town Ladies 3

Run the Pitch by Kayonce ft. Smelly Alice

Finally, the day dawned for our first meeting with Wisbech this season. As the sun came out, they had no excuses this time around!

The skipper was so excited about the game, she planned a whole half term trip around it and headed up a couple of days in advance. A few others made their own way, with only three cars heading out of Cambridge, one being driven by our very own Sasha Fierce… You may have wondered why you have never seen Beyoncé and Katie G in a photo together, or in the same room. Well, there is a VERY simple explanation – they are one and the same. Granny G is the pop diva and, from her own mouth, she has the moves to prove it… We look forward to seeing her on the dancefloor at South's home club, the mighty Regal. Until then, we'll call her Kayoncé.

So, with a cheeky pitstop at Morrisons - partly to get Janette off our back end…talk about tailgating! - we made it to the pitch. The warm up comprised a short tour of the local area and then a speedy warm up before push back.

As all of the players on both teams began playing in the Wisbech half, the ginger goalie took a pew. She had woken up and destroyed her duvet after a restless sleep, she fed the dogs, walked them and grabbed her kit. Headed to the shed to grab the goalie kit…thinking she might need it. She headed to the car and took a scenic route along winding roads in the soft winter sun, her ginger locks glinting in the rays. At the pitch, she wondered if wearing her arm pads was necessary…unlikely, but she put them on nevertheless. #SafetyFirst

Back to the match, South kept smashing the ball toward the goal, mainly at the goalie but some went in. Kayoncé started her hat-trick spree as she went 'to the left, to the left.'

Back to Emma, still sitting down; its's a shame she's a ginger otherwise some tan lines may have been a possibility. At the other end, the goalie had spotted the other ginger as Keyoncé made another sneaky run.

At half time, Emma had to pull herself to her feet and exert some energy to switch ends.

The second half got underway with some more skilful South play, and defender Mel smashed in the goal of the day. #MelOfTheMatch

So with a ten-nil win under our belts we heads to teas, only slightly put off our food by learning that Alice hadn't washed her shirt from the previous week. But we still necked down some soup and doughnuts before heading back on the bumpy road home.

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Cambridge South Ladies 3
7 - 1
Cambridge South Ladies 4

L3 7-1 Cambridge South Ladies 4

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Cambridge South Ladies 4
1 - 7
Cambridge South Ladies 3

Derby Day (Again)

A lovely, friendly match on a gloriously sunny, if cold, day. Very proud of Emily, who managed to score a goal: only the fourth goal the L3 team has conceded this season. This is a strong contender for goal of the year, with Emily managing to hit a shot on the rebound that looped over the keeper. This was made even more impressive due to the fact that Emily played it whilst lying down on the astro.

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