The report title relates to Neil’s opinion on attending a black tie do held in the Cantabs' clubhouse [it turns out their ball will be held in a marquee on the pitch, which makes more sense]. However, a not completely dissimilar idea of something incongruously over-specified could apply to our games with Bourne Deeping (a.k.a. The Dragons) 5ths. Sort of. Ish. If you look at things with a bit of a squint.

Our first meeting with them had been the epitome of frustration. We had loads of the ball but did very little with it, which meant we were only leading 1-0 when the Dragons scored with their only shot of the game. There was determination to avoid a repeat but maybe not a clear plan as to how, as the same key flaw - tunnel vision in driving straight into the strong sticks of the experienced Dragons defenders - was again in evidence.

One way to get around a failure to open a defence up in open play is via pressure forcing set-pieces. Something like that led to our first goal. A shortie was won by quick thinking from Joe, who rapidly took a free-hit awarded inside the 25, which was much too sharp for the defender standing next to him who couldn’t resist his instinct to make a tackle. The PC was fired goalwards by Rob and turned home by James, who had made a run across the keeper’s bows to add a nutmegging deflection which gave the defence no chance.

The score remained the same at the interval, despite us having had the bulk of the play. But 1-0 was OK, right? All we had to do was sharpen up our attacking play, go around rather than through the defence, and we would be fine, wouldn’t we? Stop me if this is sounding familiar.

Soon after the restart, an attempt to play around the back stalled as Jan dawdled on the ball. He attempted to beat the man closing him down but lacked the pace to get clear and was dispossessed. Two quick passes later Dragons centre-forward, Muddy, was aiming a first-time reverse stick sweep at the corner of our net, which Coops got a slight but insufficient touch on. 1-1, with the Dragons goal coming from their first shot of the match. Yep, this is sounding very familiar...

However this time we had nearly a whole half to sort out the mess, which helped us keep our heads. In fact it took less than five minutes to reclaim the lead. Raj fed James out wide on the right. James drove to the byline and then cut into the circle. He played the ball across the face of goal where Paul was on hand to finish with a diving/sliding/off-his-feet-in-some manner bundled reverse stick effort.

A third arrived within 60 seconds of the second. This time it was the home defence whose attempt to pass around was broken up, the ball breaking to Douglas. He found Ellis, who moved it on to Joe on the byline, wide of the left post. Joe crossed for Rob, who deflected home again. Though there was still lots of time to play, our third was the last serious opportunity created as the defences held sway for the remainder.

The star of the show for us was left-back Neil, who intercepted and tackled to win the ball so frequently that the Dragons began to advise teammates, "Don’t try and beat no. 25, he’s too good." This seemed to cause Neil to fall over backwards in surprise, executing a neat backward roll during a Dragons attack and earning the day’s lemon honours in the process.

He was nearly saved by Joe, announcing in the pub that he was glad that one car had left directly after the game, as that means, “I get to eat Coops's sausage.” Unfortunately for Neil, Joe only said this after all the ballots had been cast, though it took impassioned references to electoral law to avoid a re-vote. The lucky tyke.