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Man of the match

Ali Edge

Joe may have been the creator, with the latest in his series of 'Man Falling to the Floor' performance installations, but Ali was in the right spot to tuck them home.

Lemon of the match

Ed Boggis

Can't count to 11 so tried to get us to start the second half a man down.

Fall, Yell, Score, Repeat

Ed Boggis

9th February 2019

Long Road College, Cambridge

Think we won, I couldn't really see from the floor

Alford & District M1s
Cambridge South M3s
Their monster goalie
Captain Kern
11 and a few subs
11 (depending on how good you can count)
Casualties and loss
Points and pride
1 ankle

Multiple girlfriends and "work colleagues" crowded the sidelines, excitedly waiting to watch some hockey. Not sure they saw much of that. At least at the start South played with dominance and speed, making the most of Alford's tired legs after their long trip down from somewhere up north. But there was nothing to show for it.

So ten minutes in both teams tried a different tack. Less hockey, more random stick waving and hitting the ball to see where it went. Joe threw himself to the floor like the pro he has become at this. Adam ignored his own advice, shouting for every free hit he could. And George simultaneously saved their players from hitting each other whilst winding them up as best he could.

During all of this there was some hockey supposed to be being played. Some quick movement down their wing and a scuffed shot beat George to make it one-nil. Half time: people spoke, others complained, I ate Haribo.

Despite my best efforts, for the second half we started with eleven on the pitch. A short time later it was one-all thanks to Ali edging it in off a short. Then two-one to them, George (probably showing off) opening his legs and doing the splits to see the ball fly under him through his five-hole.

I then saw my opportunity. At two-one down the team needed a hero. One whose death would give the rest of his team the desire to go on and win. Like that guy in one of the Avengers movies who doesn't really do much but then gets stabbed and everyone loves him. After spinning past a player I trod down on the opponent's stick, rolling my ankle and falling to the floor.

It worked immediately. A few minutes later, with everyone ignoring me rolling on the ground, Joe managed to trick one of their defenders into playing football in the D. P-flick put away by Nev.

Meanwhile I crawled off the pitch and managed to make it to the sidelines. Whilst lying on the ground and shouting at random people on the pitch, South began to take charge again. Another short sent into the D and Ali edged it in again to make it three-two.

South held out for a crucial win, earning that coveted eighth place for a week at least.

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