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Man of the match

Lemon of the match

Sev Warren

Can I go get my gum shield?

Hungry Sunbeam

Sev Warren

Where should I start? Well, I woke up around 10 o’clock and looked out of the window at a miserable grey sky. So, I slowly crawled out of the bed and got ready for the big game ahead. I thought that the game was going to be so easy even Toytown would be able to keep up with the play.

As I arrived at the pitch there was an unusual thing happening: there was music by the side of the pitch and six South players knocking the ball around, while the L1s were doing drills. As time went on more South players arrived but only two Hertford players arrived. While we were hitting balls at Toytown, the music carried on playing. The rest of the team arrived, apart from Josh who thought turning up on time was a waste.

So, the warm-up. We got instructed by Matt to do a run and the most surprising part of all of this was that George went on the run too, which was a sight on its own. Then came the stretches.

Now the start of the game, as much as Kern is an OCD freak. This time he decided to split the team into two groups and decide the positions relative to where people like to play. But then Kern mentioned that he would start on and then come off within two minutes, which made sense? The game started, and the team started on a par with the other team. After a couple of minutes, Kern came off followed shortly by Josh, which made no sense to me, which made me forget my gumshield, so I said, "I need a gumshield" a couple of times. Then a short corner came and the Hertford team scored a scrappy goal that nobody could have seen coming. After that wake-up call, we fought back with a passion but still could not pull magic out of our asses. But after a long struggle, I (Sev) slapped a hopeful ball into the oppositions circle, which was deflected into the goal by Ed. I mean the ball was superbly placed with the right amount of speed, I mean it was sex on a stick. The game was back on, but before we could enjoy the goal another goal was scored by Hertford. This meant that at halftime we were losing, if some of you don’t understand basic maths.

The halftime talk was very shallow and not informative. The only thing we spoke about is not to sub on immediately but instead give the man a two-minute warning. Plus, some other things that I didn’t listen to as I was thinking about the pizzas after the game.

The second half…well the second half wasn’t any better for me as this time I forgot the most important part of the kit: a stick. As I was celebrating not forgetting a gumshield, I forgot the stick. But for me, this wasn’t the highlight of the game. As the game progressed some more goals were scored by Hertford. By this stage, I forgot how many goals been scored but for those who want to know, Hertford were winning. This was partly due to Neil’s lack of breath and inability to run more than two yards without having an attack of asthmatic coughing. Next Pash hit the post, which made this his best performance, period. Then with ten minutes left on the clock the Hertford winger was through, their striker ready to score as the ball was slipped into the centre of the field. As the ball was hit the stick mercurially fell out of the striker’s hand and slipped between George’s legs. George took a lot of stick for not being able to keep his legs together. Post-match voting compared him to the Grand Canyon. He wasn’t happy. He even tried to slide tackle a winger. After that, we managed to get a short corner which was executed perfectly by Scott, who had an awesome game and performed flawlessly. Minutes after that the game ended and we had lost 8-2. But as it was a friendly we didn’t take much notice of the score, apart from George who hated it.

At the clubhouse, the big gag was about George’s five-hole. But in particular the striker from the other team must have a mention as he was one our Man of the Match selections. Even Nev had a nomination for being the only player to avoid a negative rating (by not playing). The battle for MoM was close but Ed stole the show. The LoM was a close vote between me and George but due to my forgetfulness, I got the LoM this week.

But this is the most important part of the pizza review: for me, the base of the pizza was a little bit too thick. The pepperoni pizza was the best one by far, followed by the cheese pizza. This week I will give the pizza 7 of 10; I was satisfied with the pizza but hoped for more, like with this game.

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