Joe "Tap It In" Whittaker achieved something not even Erling Haaland could manage this weekend, he scored a hat-trick. Does this mean he's worth £900k a week, probably not? But then, who is? [Ed - Joe will almost certainly agree that £900k a week incorrectly values him...]

Chris "Assist-King" Wash set up many of the goals, was always looking for the man on the post... often when they weren't even there, for which his teammates rewarded him with this week's citrus award.

James "Metronome" Menzies continued his great form controlling games from the middle and even got to showing off his trademark shimmy.

Dimitri "Don't let the 2s see him" Amireh got a chance to show off once again, unfortunately this time front of the M2's captain... It been nice playing with you.

Player/Coach George Anderson helped out with a brace, and Jack Chalk got his goal too, possibly from the spinny thing – it's already been too long since Saturday and memory fades fast these days.

If anyone want to watch the entire game you can contact Ben Lye, who recorded his goal for training purposes. It's basically just watching a man in full keeper kit stand still and occasionally pace about, and we still charged him for it...